Optimoblivious glossette

Optimoblivious Glossettte : A chocolatey raisin transformer without a clue

529 notes

vriskadeducedthedoc:

Today I was doing an online math problem for my algebra class and one of the questions started out “Josephine baked 36 cookies” and all I could think was

no josephine did not bake any cookies

josephine doesn’t turn on the heat

josephine is afraid the oven will catch fire and burn the whole house down

josephine is terrified of realtors, for god’s sake

Crying

(Source: phoenix-dogs, via 667darkavenue)

Filed under ahahhaahahahhaah asoue oh god

352,336 notes

25 Things To Do Before You Turn 25

1. Make peace with your parents. Whether you finally recognize that they actually have your best interests in mind or you forgive them for being flawed human beings, you can’t happily enter adulthood with that familial brand of resentment.

2. Kiss someone you think is out of your league; kiss models and med students and entrepreneurs with part-time lives in Dubai and don’t worry about if they’re going to call you afterward.

3. Minimize your passivity.

4. Work a service job to gain some understanding of how tipping works, how to keep your cool around assholes, how a few kind words can change someone’s day.

5. Recognize freedom as a 5:30 a.m. trip to the diner with a bunch of strangers you’ve just met.

6. Try not to beat yourself up over having obtained a ‘useless’ Bachelor’s Degree. Debt is hell, and things didn’t pan out quite like you expected, but you did get to go to college, and having a degree isn’t the worst thing in the world to have. We will figure this mess out, I think, probably; the point is you’re not worth less just because there hasn’t been an immediate pay off for going to school. Be patient, work with what you have, and remember that a lot of us are in this together.

7. If you’re employed in any capacity, open a savings account. You never know when you might be unemployed or in desperate need of getting away for a few days. Even $10 a week is $520 more a year than you would’ve had otherwise.

8. Make a habit of going outside, enjoying the light, relearning your friends, forgetting the internet.

9. Go on a 4-day, brunch-fueled bender.

10. Start a relationship with your crush by telling them that you want them. Directly. Like, look them in the face and say it to them. Say, I want you. I want to be with you.

11. Learn to say ‘no’ — to yourself. Don’t keep wearing high heels if you hate them; don’t keep smoking if you’re disgusted by the way you smell the morning after; stop wasting entire days on your couch if you’re going to complain about missing the sun.

12. Take time to revisit the places that made you who you are: the apartment you grew up in, your middle school, your hometown. These places may or may not be here forever; you definitely won’t be.

13. Find a hobby that makes being alone feel lovely and empowering and like something to look forward to.

14. Think you know yourself until you meet someone better than you.

15. Forget who you are, what your priorities are, and how a person should be.

16. Identify your fears and instead of letting them dictate your every move, find and talk to people who have overcome them. Don’t settle for experiencing .000002% of what the world has to offer because you’re afraid of getting on a plane.

17. Make a habit of cleaning up and letting go. Just because it fit at one point doesn’t mean you need to keep it forever — whether ‘it’ is your favorite pair of pants or your ex.

18. Stop hating yourself.

19. Go out and watch that movie, read that book, listen to that band you already lied about watching, reading, listening to.

20. Take advantage of health insurance while you have it.

21. Make a habit of telling people how you feel, whether it means writing a gushing fan-girl email to someone whose work you love or telling your boss why you deserve a raise.

22. Date someone who says, “I love you” first.

23. Leave the country under the premise of “finding yourself.” This will be unsuccessful. Places do not change people. Instead, do a lot of solo drinking, read a lot of books, have sex in dirty hostels, and come home when you start to miss it.

24. Suck it up and buy a Macbook Pro.

25. Quit that job that’s making you miserable, end the relationship that makes you act like a lunatic, lose the friend whose sole purpose in life is making you feel like you’re perpetually on the verge of vomiting. You’re young, you’re resilient, there are other jobs and relationships and friends if you’re patient and open.

January Nelson  (via 365-days-of-summer)

(Source: lydiamichelle, via goodloveisonthewaay)

Filed under to do

42,293 notes

kingcheddarxvii:

I hope Sherlock season 3 episode one begins with Sherlock appearing to John and being like “I’m home, John. I’m alive. Take me into your arms.” and then John’s just like “Sherlock… it’s been too long. I’ve moved on. I’ve found someone else… someone better…” and then Elementary’s Sherlock emerges from the kitchen with two glasses of red wine and begins to laugh hysterically

(via benevolenttyranny)

Filed under why

60,315 notes

high-functioning-sociopaths:

thescienceofjohnlock:

ilovemyjawn:

ilovemyjawn:

ilovemyjawn:

oH MY GOD NO MY DAD CAME IN TO ASK ME SOMETHING BUT HE SAW THIS AND GAVE ME A WEIRD LOOK AND QUICKLY LEFT AND NO DAD I’M NOT MASTURBATING TO BENEDICT OH MY GOD WHY THE HELL WOULD HE COME TO THAT CONCLUSION

I JUST TALKED TO MY DAD AND ACTUALLY HE THOUGHT I WAS USING THE TISSUES TO COVER MY HANDS AS I STROKED BENEDICT’S FACE SO I WOULDN’T DIRTY THE PICTURE
HOW IS THAT A PLAUSIBLE CONCLUSION TO HIM HOW

please god no
this was never meant to get notes
Benedict stop


hahahahahahaha

It’s back!:D

This is perfection.

high-functioning-sociopaths:

thescienceofjohnlock:

ilovemyjawn:

ilovemyjawn:

ilovemyjawn:

oH MY GOD NO MY DAD CAME IN TO ASK ME SOMETHING BUT HE SAW THIS AND GAVE ME A WEIRD LOOK AND QUICKLY LEFT AND NO DAD I’M NOT MASTURBATING TO BENEDICT OH MY GOD WHY THE HELL WOULD HE COME TO THAT CONCLUSION

I JUST TALKED TO MY DAD AND ACTUALLY HE THOUGHT I WAS USING THE TISSUES TO COVER MY HANDS AS I STROKED BENEDICT’S FACE SO I WOULDN’T DIRTY THE PICTURE

HOW IS THAT A PLAUSIBLE CONCLUSION TO HIM HOW

please god no

this was never meant to get notes

Benedict stop

image

hahahahahahaha

It’s back!:D

This is perfection.

(via floopowderchristmastroy)